{"id":2371615,"date":"2016-03-24T18:16:11","date_gmt":"2016-03-24T23:16:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/clearwaterpress.com\/oneyearnovel\/?p=2371615"},"modified":"2022-02-03T08:55:48","modified_gmt":"2022-02-03T14:55:48","slug":"telling-religious-story-without-preachy-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/clearwaterpress.com\/oneyearnovel\/blog\/telling-religious-story-without-preachy-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Telling a Religious Story Without Being Preachy, Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Rachel Garner, Staff Writer\"\"<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Last week, we looked at the problem of \u201cpreachiness\u201d<\/a> in Christian stories, and two major elements to eliminate to avoid coming off as preachy in your own work: Mouthpiece Syndrome<\/strong> and the Willing Recipient<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

This week, I focus on some other practical ways to address the problem of preachiness, especially when editing important thematic scenes.<\/p>\n

Choose Emotion over Eloquence<\/h3>\n

When it comes to writing these scenes, dialogue in large paragraph chunks is almost always a bad decision<\/strong>. Humans are rarely able to wax eloquent about those things that matter the most to them. They\u2019re also not likely to reveal every single thought they have, especially at their most vulnerable.<\/p>\n

Writing moving dialogue requires cutting through<\/em> everything a character is thinking to find only what a real person would actually say<\/strong>, which is often (not always!) very different.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s normal to be reluctant to eliminate eloquent phrasing, especially if you want the gospel to be thoroughly understood. But your goal is to move your reader\u2019s heart, not dazzle him with perfect formulations of religious belief. You are also more likely to earn his respect and interest with realistic portrayals he can care about<\/strong>, than eloquent ones he can\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Use Inner Voice<\/h3>\n

Sometimes, the eloquence you\u2019ve removed from the dialogue can be moved to inner voice<\/strong>. In editing my thematic scene, instead of my hero saying everything going on in her heart and mind, I instead included small and specific moments in her narration:<\/p>\n

This man sitting before me, this man not much more than a boy, beaten for that name and caught because of my deception, held my hand and spoke in awed tones about the creator of the universe.<\/em><\/p>\n

Inner narration suggests a bit more time to process and react, and so it can afford to be more polished. It is also more private, so thoughts that would sound strange if they were said out loud can be believably conveyed in inner narration mode.\u00a0Still, use eloquence sparingly.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t Confuse Vulnerability with Copious Detail<\/h3>\n

Scenes about salvation or other important themes are by their nature vulnerable for all parties involved. But be wary of making characters too<\/em> vulnerable<\/strong>. While it may make sense for a mentor to communicate to the hero that she can relate to the hero\u2019s thirst for revenge, the mentor is not likely to describe her own revenge story in detail. A choice to be vulnerable is to decide that what you are discussing is more important than your own emotional or physical safety.<\/strong> While characters can and should be vulnerable at times, they are unlikely to open up in detail about everything in their hearts.<\/p>\n

It may seem like the perfect cap to your point about forgiveness for your mentor to talk about the excruciating way her friend died and how she still forgave the killer\u2014but it is not very human. Humans avoid pain and avoid things that may cause pain.<\/strong> It\u2019s going to take a lot to say, \u201cHe killed my friend,\u201d never mind voicing any details.<\/p>\n

Tread Carefully around Dark Subject Matter<\/h3>\n

If the characters have dark experiences in their past, whether depression or abuse or crimes, you may assume you need to write about their former despair in detail in order to help the reader understand the magnitude of this change of heart the character is undergoing.<\/p>\n

Writers sometimes pride themselves on the inventiveness of their characters\u2019 terrible pasts<\/strong>\u2014and after all, the OYAN curriculum even suggests giving \u201cundeserved misfortune\u201d to your hero\u2014so it is understandable to assume that addressing dark stuff in a meaningful way means being graphic. But this would be a mistake.<\/p>\n

Understatement is usually much more emotive than detail<\/strong>, and much less prone to accidentally coming off gratuitous or melodramatic.<\/p>\n

Too often, instead of alluding to the dark backstory in brief, heartbreaking revelations, writers create a scene where the wounded character suddenly displays everything in bulk, so the reader can truly appreciate how depressed and depraved he once was (or still is). As I wrote about vulnerability, it is unlikely that this would actually happen. Characters talking in detail about dark parts of their past or their soul either suggest that the event is very far removed from them<\/strong> or that it wasn\u2019t as dark as it is being suggested<\/strong>. More often than not, it is the latter unintended message that readers will get, and the scenes will strike the reader as unnatural or melodramatic.<\/p>\n

Humans tend to understate their biggest sins and fears, even when trying to be honest.<\/strong> Make sure your characters do likewise.<\/p>\n

Reformulate Statements as Questions<\/h3>\n

Consider rephrasing statements as questions. Readers don\u2019t like to be told things, they liked to be asked to consider<\/em> things.<\/strong> A very simple change I made in a scene, for example, was to remove Marian\u2019s dialogue:<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve never done anything deserving of love.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

and replace it with Robin\u2019s approach:<\/p>\n

\u201cDo I deserve this?\u201d He held out his hands: left hand in a splint, right bound, covering deep burns. \u201cDo I deserve what happened in Nottingham Castle?… Knowing that, how can you possibly say I didn\u2019t deserve it? Or that I didn\u2019t deserve to die as Ralph intended?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

This changes the tone of the conversation about the concept of undeserved love. It\u2019s being questioned and considered, not blithely accepted. It is too big and too important a concept to charge through without any expression of doubt.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Try a Different Character<\/h3>\n

As demonstrated above, sometimes it can be helpful to have a different character approach the concept. It offers a different angle on the scene. Mix up who introduces each topic, and make them interact with each other.<\/strong> You may consider your mentor the default for expressing wisdom about facing your fears, but that\u2019s precisely why those same words in a different character\u2019s mouth could make more impact.<\/p>\n

Whereas in my first draft, my characters just spoke large paragraphs at<\/em> each other, I made an effort in revisions to make those important conversations much more interactive. The characters got to discuss, contradict, and even argue the concepts in their own unique ways.<\/p>\n

Learn to Detect Stock Religious Language<\/h3>\n

A problem related to the Willing Recipient is Too Perfect Language<\/strong>. Be careful of putting stock religious language and phrases in the mouth of a \u201cnew convert\u201d character. This is especially true when discussing salvation. For example, people who grow up as Christians talk differently, and sometimes a bit weirdly. Don\u2019t give all of those same phrases to someone who is new to this idea, even if the character has chosen to accept it. A new Christian may be confused about the idea of Jesus being \u201cin her heart,\u201d or may not know the \u201cproper\u201d place to put an \u201camen\u201d when praying. Let the characters express their understanding of the gospel through their personality and experience.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s another example from my own revisions:<\/p>\n

Version\u00a0 #1: \u201cI could say I\u2019m sorry and leave Sherwood forever, but there\u2019s another thing that I\u2019m sure Jesus wants me to say. I\u2019ve found truth, and I\u2019ve found love\u2014I don\u2019t need anything more here on earth, I don\u2019t deserve anything more. If I never come back here\u2014it\u2019s all right, I tell myself repeatedly, I still have Jesus.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Version #2: \u201cAll He wants is for us to…love Him back. And for us to love each other. By copying Him and His sacrifice.\u201d<\/em>
\n He looked at me, eyes that startling blue in his pale face. \u201cThat death, Marian. That\u2019s love.\u201d<\/em>
\n I let out a sob and pulled my hand away from him, covering my face.<\/em>
\n It hurt and I couldn\u2019t breathe. That\u2019s love.<\/em>
\n Love hurts.<\/em><\/p>\n

You\u2019ll notice that in this exchange I also switched characters, shortened the dialogue, and used some internal voice.<\/p>\n

Accept the Mess<\/h3>\n

It is okay for characters to be distracted, for a scene to derail because of the frailty<\/strong> or even the beauty<\/strong> of humans. Maybe they\u2019re traveling through a forest and one of them accidentally slaps the other in the face with a tree branch. Maybe one pokes fun at phrasing in the Bible that sounds weird to outsiders. Maybe both launch into a panic because they\u2019ve forgotten they were supposed to pick up the kids at 3 and it is now 3:30. Unless your scene takes place in Aslan\u2019s country or something, your characters still live on earth. They\u2019re still human.<\/p>\n

Humans are unique and they are distractible, and through all their important discussions they should remain themselves<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

What\u00a0stories\u00a0convey religious themes, character change, or a biblical message in a way that you find believable and moving?<\/em><\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>About Rachel<\/strong><\/p>\n

Rachel was one of the seven students\u2014or self-labeled \u201cguinea pigs\u201d\u2014who took part in the pilot class for The One Year Adventure Novel<\/em>.\u00a0Known as \u201cNairam\u201d in the extended OYAN community, Rachel is an example of dedication to her craft and a gifted editor. She is also a kind and forthright writing mentor to students at every level of the program, and a Story Coach<\/a>.\u00a0A homeschool graduate, she is now in college studying history. When not hiding out in the medieval England section of her school library, she edits her Robin Hood retelling and pretends that nine years is definitely not too long to spend on a single writing project.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Rachel Garner, Staff Writer<\/strong>
\nLast week, we looked at the problem of \u201cpreachiness\u201d in Christian stories, and two major elements to eliminate to avoid coming off as preachy in your own work: Mouthpiece Syndrome and the Willing Recipient. This week, I focus on some other practical ways to address the problem of preachiness, especially when editing important thematic scenes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11881,"featured_media":2371617,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[57,59,40],"tags":[16046,16045,16048,131,16047],"post_series":[],"class_list":["post-2371615","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-help-with-characters","category-self-editing-tips","category-writing-tips-and-tools","tag-preachiness","tag-preachy","tag-religious-writing","tag-truth","tag-writing-about-god","entry","has-media"],"yoast_head":"\nTelling a Religious Story Without Being Preachy, Part 2 -<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/clearwaterpress.com\/oneyearnovel\/blog\/telling-religious-story-without-preachy-part-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Telling a Religious Story Without Being Preachy, Part 2\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"By Rachel Garner, Staff Writer Last week, we looked at the problem of \u201cpreachiness\u201d in Christian stories, and two major elements to eliminate to avoid coming off as preachy in your own work: Mouthpiece Syndrome and the Willing Recipient. 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