{"id":2371381,"date":"2015-11-11T14:09:46","date_gmt":"2015-11-11T20:09:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/clearwaterpress.com\/oneyearnovel\/?p=2371381"},"modified":"2019-10-15T10:21:05","modified_gmt":"2019-10-15T15:21:05","slug":"hearing-the-questions-beneath-your-writers-frustration","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/clearwaterpress.com\/oneyearnovel\/blog\/hearing-the-questions-beneath-your-writers-frustration\/","title":{"rendered":"Hearing the Questions Beneath Your Writer\u2019s Frustration"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Tineke Bryson, Staff Writer<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you\u2019re anything like me, there\u2019s only one thing more overwhelming than your own\u00a0problems: the problems of somebody you deeply care about<\/strong>. Watching your young\u00a0writer agonize over writer\u2019s block, or whether their story idea is good enough, can\u00a0be heartbreaking.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t you wish you could get inside your son\u2019s head and change his perspective?\u00a0Don\u2019t you long to say the right thing\u2014something irrefutable<\/em>\u2014when your daughter\u00a0rages that none of your encouraging words are true?<\/p>\n

One reason it\u2019s so tough to watch our loved ones struggle is that we don\u2019t have\u00a0control; they do<\/strong>. It often seems as though there\u2019s nothing we can do to help.<\/p>\n

But there are<\/em> ways we can encourage the anxious writers in our lives, no matter\u00a0what our emotions say. Today I offer some reflections on the important role we are\u00a0capable of playing even if we are not in control: We can hear and voice the unsaid questions<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Fear of the Future<\/h3>\n

Beneath irritable or hopeless outbursts (I just can\u2019t write! Why can\u2019t I get this scene\u00a0right?<\/em>) are questions your student is afraid to say aloud<\/strong>. For example, \u201cEverything I\u00a0write is stupid!\u201d could be translated as, \u201cStorytelling is so important to me, and I\u00a0don\u2019t know if I can be happy if I fail at it!\u201d<\/p>\n

You can hear it: Will I be happy? Will I be okay<\/em>?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s one thing to hear it; it\u2019s another to voice it for them. When you try to explore\u00a0with your daughter why her frustration with a problem scene escalated into a\u00a0meltdown, you may just get an outraged \u201cYou\u2019re making stuff up!\u201d<\/p>\n

It’s painful.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, reflecting their fears back to them is too important to let the risk of\u00a0being hurt deter us. Because if your daughter can admit that she is afraid of letting\u00a0herself down, she can separate the problem chapter or problem character from her\u00a0fear and address them appropriately<\/strong>. A character inconsistency can\u2019t be fixed if all\u00a0she throws at it is desperation to one day be a published writer. But it probably can<\/em>\u00a0be fixed if she treats it as a small problem and separately confronts the big problem\u00a0of her self-doubt.<\/p>\n

Here are some truths about writers. If your son accuses you of being blinded by your\u00a0love for him, you can tell him you got this stuff from The One Year Adventure Novel<\/em>!<\/p>\n

All<\/em> writers have mind-bending story problems.<\/p>\n

All<\/em> writers fear that what they can produce won\u2019t be as good as what\u2019s in\u00a0their head\u2014it will<\/em> be different, and of course<\/em> it will probably pale in\u00a0comparison with the fantasy. That\u2019s because it\u2019s a real story<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s precisely because storytelling is so important to them and to their sense\u00a0of wellbeing that they can be sure they will continue to tell stories<\/strong>, no matter\u00a0what. And they will inevitably get better because of it.<\/p>\n

They will<\/em> be okay. At its root, their dream of becoming a successful writer is a\u00a0dream to create something meaningful. And there are more ways to create\u00a0meaning<\/strong> than they can even conceive of.<\/p>\n

There is absolutely no way they (or you!) can know for sure if they have it in\u00a0them to become published. Trying to figure it out is of no use whatsoever<\/em>. The\u00a0only way to find out is to live.<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Fear of the Unknown<\/h3>\n

Another common question hiding beneath a writer\u2019s frustration is, How can I know\u00a0for sure this is worth it<\/em>?<\/p>\n

As human beings, when we get into the but-how-do-I-know-for-certain funk, we\u00a0turn every reassurance into a taunt<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou have great writing ability.\u201d
\n\u201cHow do you know?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure you can fix this!\u201d
\n\u201cHow do you know?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOne day you\u2019re going to write something everybody will want to read!\u201d
\n\u201cHow do you know?<\/p>\n

\u201cThis chapter is wonderful!\u201d
\n\u201cYou\u2019re just saying that because you\u2019re my dad.\u201d<\/p>\n

Retorts like these induce panic. Because often there is no way to counter doubts\u00a0head-on. We can\u2019t<\/em> prove that they will succeed<\/strong>. We can\u2019t<\/em> speak for other readers. We\u00a0can\u2019t<\/em> guarantee them a book contract or an agent.<\/p>\n

More helpful than trying to convince your student is to turn that doubting \u201cHow do\u00a0you know?\u201d question back on them<\/strong>. \u201cHow do you know you won\u2019t<\/em> succeed?\u201d \u201cHow\u00a0do you know you don\u2019t<\/em> have a wonderful story idea in you?\u201d<\/p>\n

For many people, a simple reminder that success is just as likely as failure forces a\u00a0long pause in the panic. Most of us think bad things are more likely than good. But if\u00a0the result is truly uncertain, it makes no sense to put so much weight on the\u00a0negative possibility. It makes a lot more sense to lean on the positive, because hope\u00a0and perseverance are real forces of change<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Fear of Disappointing You<\/h3>\n

Fielding the \u201cWhat do you want to become?\u201d question is the cause of tremendous\u00a0stress for teens, and teen writers are no exception. If anything, they often feel they\u00a0have more to prove<\/strong>, because if they want to do something involving writing, their\u00a0goal may be perceived by adults as na\u00efve or impractical.<\/p>\n

I would not be surprised if buried beneath your student\u2019s despair over writer\u2019s\u00a0block were this question: Will you support my desire to pursue writing in a serious\u00a0way if I can\u2019t even write today?<\/p>\n

As a parent, you may feel trapped by this question. You probably have your own\u00a0fears about whether your young writer will become self-sufficient. But this is not a\u00a0moment to discuss the pros and cons of writing for a living. This is a moment to\u00a0build your student\u2019s sense of wellbeing and safety<\/strong>. When your teen writer hears you\u00a0say, \u201cIt\u2019s okay. Writing is hard work, and I respect that. I just want to help you move\u00a0forward,\u201d she\u2019ll be much more open to candid discussions about her goals.<\/p>\n

Hearing<\/h3>\n

When you feel like all the tools you give your son or daughter aren\u2019t even making a\u00a0dent in the discouragement, there may be a reason: your student is asking deeply\u00a0emotional questions when sitting down to write<\/strong>. The questions are so much more\u00a0important than the chapter or scene or lesson at hand, and they can\u2019t be voiced or\u00a0addressed with a writing technique.<\/p>\n

These questions are an opportunity. Your student may not even be aware of why he\u00a0is so stressed by his novel. But when you learn to hear the questions and help your\u00a0son or daughter voice them, you can build a solid sense of security and hope in your\u00a0young writer.<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

What questions do you discern beneath your writer’s frustrations? How do you let your student know that you hear them? I would love to know!<\/em><\/p>\n

…
\n\"\"About Tineke<\/strong><\/p>\n

Tineke Bryson (Honors in Writing, Houghton College) lives in the very center of a pretty complicated Venn diagram, right where fiction and nonfiction, creating and editing, and North American, European, and West African culture meet. Tineke grew up abroad, and before joining The One Year Adventure Novel<\/em>, she worked as an editor.<\/p>\n

She and her husband, Matthias, live in Lawrence, Kansas. She loves British history, reading YA fantasy, and collecting moths.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Tineke Bryson, Staff Writer:<\/strong>
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Don\u2019t you long to say the right thing\u2014something irrefutable\u2014when your daughter rages that none of your encouraging words are true?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11881,"featured_media":2371383,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[93,45],"tags":[15995,70,15994,15996],"post_series":[],"class_list":["post-2371381","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting-a-young-writer","category-stuck-discouraged","tag-encouraging-a-writer","tag-fear-of-failure","tag-parenting-a-writer","tag-writing-reassurance","entry","has-media"],"yoast_head":"\nHearing the Questions Beneath Your Writer\u2019s Frustration -<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/clearwaterpress.com\/oneyearnovel\/blog\/hearing-the-questions-beneath-your-writers-frustration\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Hearing the Questions Beneath Your Writer\u2019s Frustration\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Tineke Bryson, Staff Writer: Watching your young writer agonize over writer\u2019s block, or whether their story idea is good enough, can be heartbreaking. 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